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Well, I did. I drew it the way I drew it in the books, with their eyes on their lips and the tip of their noses. But instead of a horse-lamp, I had these two red hot iron bars that they had to get rid of. I drew them like it was a movie, but with the llamas. That was a big help.”

“Have you drawn anything now, though?”

“Well, yes, I did a picture of an American flag.”

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In the years since his son died, he has been drawn into the debate. It comes when he’s speaking at a local rally for a candidate, or when he’s talking to his son about the story itself, as if it was a story he could never forget or that no amount of words would ever quite describe. One of his sons, James, now lives in Boston, but his father and brother still move back and forth to Texas (he has three grandchildren here, including a son with Down syndrome in Texas) so he can stay with them for the summer when the family is there.

One afternoon in 2013, when he was in town for one of those visits, I met him for a few minutes in his office. He was very soft-spoken and very polite, and there was a sense that his memory and the memory of his son were as entwined as the water in the pool at his home. His face was flushed, his voice was slurred, and when he began the next question, I knew he was going to say something offensive. The tone shifted from mildly offensive to accusatory. But his words came out, and it was almost imperceptible. When he got to the point of, “Do you think that if something like this had really happened to my son …” and paused, his voice turned to a husk. He was a man of many faces. But he’d chosen this face for me, and it struck me in the way only things can.

I said, “But you didn’t say it was intentional.”

“I said, ‘That’s what I saw’!” he exploded. “I’d never heard of anybody making an intentional statement. I don’t believe that.”
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“But I just heard you say it was intentional, and yet you were just as upset as I was.”

The memory of the son we loved is part of what has shaped and sustained him, and I wanted to know

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